America, f*ck yeah!

Independence Day holds special meaning for millions of Americans and the means by which we celebrate our nation’s birth can be both heartwarming and patriotic. The means by which The Ben and I celebrated our first night of Independence from mommy, however, resembled more the war that was fought to win our nation’s freedom: It started when the sun descended on the virgin battlefield and finished nearly seven years later with our return home to the mother[land], tired from the fight. The moments that passed between were filled with frightful screams, deadly cannon shots, and projectile vomiting. I won’t lie – there we’re times when I thought we’d never make it. But when the two of us emerged from our bunker to greet the sun again and tend to the wounded, we found ourselves closer than ever before. I’m proud to have fought side by side with my son in the absence of our guiding light, and I’m not ashamed to say that I couldn’t have made it without him [of course I wouldn’t have even been there if it weren’t for him to begin with].

I’m reminded of a lyric from one of my favorite bands, which always used to made me think of my wife, though now perhaps more fittingly my child:

I am lost. I’m no guide.
But I’m by your side.
I am right by your side.

So yes, this past Sunday was Anna’s first night back to her other reality which is, “Uh, excuse me, nurse Anna? Can you please help me with my vagina until the baby comes out?” This meant that The Ben and I were left alone for the very first time, even if I chickened out and spent that night with my parents. Now, before you go on and assume that I am just one big wuss of a father, remember that I alone tended to my son all night, even if he kept everyone else in the house awake as well. And it wasn’t as bad as I may have made it out to be I suppose. Before we sauntered off to sleep, The Ben and I agreed we would make the night extra special, you know, as a reward for our independence from mommy, by waking up early to watch the sunrise. But I think we must have gotten the time all wrong because the sun didn’t make its way out of the eastern hemisphere until, like, three hours after we woke up to see it!

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in the case of a father who has spent the first night alone with his infant son, absence makes the heart grow desperate. Anna, I can’t imagine what this would all be like without a mother such as you, and I feel for every child in the world who will never have the experience of being mothered by specifically you.

God bless America.

Note: for those curious and irritated souls who wish to understand the title of this entry, get in your vehicle, drive to your favorite movie rental facility and ask to borrow a copy of Team America: World Police [from the makers of South Park]. I guarantee you will laugh at least once.